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In this tutorial we now have a Band 7 essay graded by an.

In this tutorial we now have a Band 7 essay graded by an.

First you are able to browse the essay, and directly after we break up which sentences helped this essay score a Band 7.

Each criteria happens to be considered in addition to sentence into the essay happens to be colour coded to correspond to the fours marking criteria used by the British Council / IELTS IDP.

This tutorial shall help you understand:

  • How an essay gets a Band 7
  • What sentence structures and language is needed for a Band 7
  • Ways to link ideas smoothly

At the present time, the people of some countries includes a comparatively multitude of young adults, compared to the number of older people. Perform some advantages for this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

It really is well known that some countries have a population with an increase of young adults than old people. Even buy essay this fact may have both benefits and drawbacks, for me the positive implications of experiencing a youthful population over-weigh the negative ones. This essay will discuss the pros and cons examples that are giving support both point of view.

On one hand, having more younger people may lead to a lack of professionals when you look at the society. Older population may be more educated compared to young one, this really is being why they have had more hours to review a career that is professional their lives. As an example, to be an expert physician it really is needed at the least a decade of university studies and this may possibly not be able for a adult that is young. In addition, younger population have less life experience than old population. People after their 50’s may have been through a complete lot in life and they may become more willing to solve any day-life problem than younger people. This could make it possible to form a less society that is stressful. Lastly, younger populations will likely have higher rate of crime, this may be because young people do have more energy to commit crime than old people. A report through the University of Chile revealed that in the south of Chile, where the population is mainly young, the rate of robs and crimes where twice more than in the north where most of the population where inside their 50’s and older.

Having said that, youthful populations have been in general more vigorous and much more happy. This might be because they have less old age-associated illness leading them to work more and maintain them-self more vigorous. Contributing to the reality that healthy people can perhaps work more efficiently, using this they can contribute to the economy associated with country, earning profits instead of spending. As an example, the simple truth is that old societies fork out a lot of income in health with their citizens that are old. Another positive part of having young adult populations is that there are more odds of having outstanding sport professionals. Young people have significantly more time and more energy than old individuals to practice and be an sport professional that is excellent. In soccer most of the players retires from their soccer-career if they turn thirty yrs . old. With old people there would be no right time for you to start a sport career. And last but not least, young societies are more inclined to have outdoor activities for the community. This may be since they are more proactive in organize those activities and also more prone to take part in them. Old people may be too tired to go out.

The disadvantages to conclude with the arguments given above, I firmly believe that the advantages of youthful population. And even though, there are several positive areas of having an older population
that we should think about.

It is well known that some countries have a population with increased people that are young old people (TR1). Even (CC1) this fact may have both benefits and drawbacks, In (GR1) my opinion the positive implications of having a youthful population overweigh the negative ones (TR2). This essay will talk about the pros and cons (LR1) giving examples to support both point of view.

TR1 – Good to start by paraphrasing the question.

CC1 – Check the meaning / use of ‘even’.
GR1 – Check your use of punctuation.
TR2 – Good to state your opinion clearly.
LR1 – A bit repetitive. Try to vary your use of vocabulary if you can.

On one hand (CC2) / (TR3) having more younger people can lead to a lack of professionals within the society. Older population may be much more educated compared to young one, this really is being why (LR2) they have had more time to examine a professional career in their lifes (LR3) . For example (CC3) / (TR4) , to be a professional physician it is needed at least ten years of university studies and this may not be able for a young adult yet (GR3). In addition, younger population have less life experience than old population. People after their 50’s (LR4) may have been through a lot in life (LR5) in addition they may become more ready to solve any day-life problem than younger people. This might help to form a less society that is stressful. Lastly, younger populations are going to have higher level of crime, this could be because young people do have more energy to commit crime than old people. A study through the University of Chile (TR5) revealed that when you look at the south of Chile, in which the population is certainly caused by young (GR4) , the rate of robs (LR6) and crimes where twice greater than when you look at the north where most of the population where in their 50’s and older.

CC2 – an phrase that is appropriate introduce your first ‘body paragraph’.

TR3 – Good organisation / use of paragraphing.
LR2 – because
LR3 – life (singular), lives (plural)
CC3 – Appropriate language to introduce a good example.
TR4 – Good to include an example to aid your idea.
GR3 – some nagging problems with sentence structure here. Perhaps ‘specialist physicians require at least… and young adults have never yet had time to accumulate this knowledge..’?
LR4 – Perhaps ‘who are over fifty’.
LR5 – Perhaps a bit on the side that is informal but lovely natural utilization of language.
TR5 – Again, good to utilize examples to guide your comments.
GR4 – Accurate use of a clause that is relative.
LR6 – Take care here. ‘Rob’ is a verb – and the noun is ‘robbery’.

On the other hand (CC4) / (TR6), youthful populations come in general more vigorous and more happy. This can be because (CC5) they will have less old illness that is age-associated them to the office more and continue maintaining them-self more active (LR7) . Adding to the fact healthy people could work more efficiently, using this they can play a role in the economy for the country, earning profits rather than spending (GR4) . For instance, it’s true that old societies spend a lot of cash in health for their citizens that are oldLR8) . Another positive part of having young adult populations is there are more chances of having outstanding sport professionals. Young people have significantly more some time more energy than
old visitors to practice and become an excellent sport professional. In soccer a lot of the players retires (GR5) from their soccer-career once they turn thirty yrs . old (LR9 ). With old people there is no time for you to start a hobby career. And last but not least (CC6) , young societies are more inclined to have outdoor activities when it comes to community. This may be because they are more proactive in organize those activities and also more prone to be involved in them. Old people could be too tired to go out.

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